While I understand no one is perfect, I believe whenever we do make a personal interaction with someone with a kind word of referral or casual promise to talk again…it is our responsibility to follow up appropriately. The returned message that is given, is indicative of our personal brand. Even if the number of interactions we proactively make and receive is quite high and our average conversational quality score is 9/10…we’re still slipping through the cracks somewhere and we’ve left someone with an unsatisfactory impression. We can’t please everyone, but naturally we should try and minimize those occurrences by ‘walking the talk’. If we can respond to another person reaching out to us, and for some reason we can’t commit to casual reciprocation or whatever the situation calls for…acknowledge the reason for doing so or simply give Thanks. It’s called common courtesy.

It’s a funny world out there….we can’t always understand people’s reactions or behavior, yet it leaves an impression on us that is for most of us very real and hard to change. This is why I try not to take much very seriously. After all, actions speak much louder than words. C’est la vie.

Welcome to the blogosphere and thank you for the thought-provoking post. I had an interesting experience with Mr. Ferrazzi a propos of authenticity. While he is quite open about what you should do to get his attention and throws around a few famous names for good measure, he is quite closed to giving back himself. I met him a couple of years ago at Wharton and offered him additional exposure through the Fast Company business network *the next time he was in town*.

He had someone from his company call me to give me his requirements to speak, including quite a bit of cash. The person was not pleasant during the conversation. I created the network over 7 years as a volunteer and our membership and monthly events are free — my way to give back to the business community.

To note that Mr. Ferrazzi and I both had a connection to FC for years (mine dates back to the first issue), and he did the Wharton gig happily plus returned to the area not long after our encounter. Maybe I was not famous enough. So my advice is to walk the talk, always. I hold his behavior as an example for me that no matter how far we may come, we can always extend a helping hand.

That was also the last day I mentioned his book. If the author is not genuine, I have a hard time recommending his work.

I, too, am a disciple of Thich Nhat Hanh, and did my graduate work in Theology, (a school of philosphy and not related directly to religion, for those among us unfamiliar with the difference).

So, while I have more than a passing relationship with discovering and getting in touch with the authentic, like the Supreme Court, I can’t define it, but I know it when I see it.

Great post!

Healthy skepticism is needed in our day and age to maintain a healthy personal meta-model of the world. Thanks for adding the Yin to our Yang.

Interesting questions you pose. I think the ability to recognize authenticity comes with experience and maturity. But some of us get that ability at an early age, while others never seem to develop it. And some people are very good at faking authenticity.

I’m not sure if businesses can, nor should, be teaching people the difference between friendliness and superficiality. They can try to teach employees how to be communicate with customers, but I’m not sure it’s for business to teach how to be genuine or superficial. It’s for business to look to hire people who seem genuine.

Should this be taught in school? I don’t think it’s a college-level course, but more basic to life than that. Unfortunately, schools are having a tough enough time teaching the basics of reading and writing, let alone math, art, science and the social sciences. I think this is something that people learn from other people — parents, friends, peers. And, no matter what you do to try to educate people, some will simply not get it when it comes to interpersonal skills.

Sorry to sound so jaded. I’m older than you, maybe that’s why.

To All:
Interpersonal Comm. should be mandatory. When I started college in 1996, it was just an elective that I’m glad I took. At a young age of 18, among many things it taught me how to recognize friendships from casual acquaintances in different environments in addition to Pygmalion gifts and stages of Love (very helpful back then!). Regarding Ethics, it’s probably taught best in the last two years of undergraduate study as either a mandatory 8 week course, or integrated as chapters in certain subjects.
I think this should apply to high school as well - a bit more simple and condensed but not lacking in the fundamentals.

Ann:
What do you mean by media literacy?
Thanks for the compliments!

Damon:
Intercultural Comm. was a mandatory course only because of my major in International Business. Cross cultural perspectives should definitely be a part of Interpersonal Comm. if not already there. I am unsure if it should be a class on its own; perhaps a mandatory 8 week course?

Regarding friendliness, I agree it can’t be taught. Extroverts or Introverts can be genuine. But I believe some degree of communication coaching should take place across the organization by Departmental Managers. They may not be so skilled, but they should at least try.

Online, your suggestions are right on target. Is the person making a connection to me by mentioning/replying to something specific I said or an interest I have?
Naturally I like compliments, but building contextual relevancy bridges are far more valuable and will make me take an interest in you and/or the topic you just brought up.

Interesting thoughts!

I would actually prefer a class on intercultural communications, largely due to the fact that interpersonal relationship standards widely vary in a diverse culture like our own. I also think that ethics, while obviously important, can also be a little tricky because of cultural variants. What’s ethical in a foreign country probably wouldn’t hold water in the USA…

“Where is the line between general friendliness and superficiality? Should businesses teach their employees that difference?”

Yes. But I would argue that genuine friendliness isn’t something that could be taught easily. For example, an introverted person might not be entirely comfortable in large social settings & their body language might make them seem “unfriendly” - something that they’re not trying to do on purpose (an introvert also tends to place value on a small number of interpersonal relationships). An extroverted person, one that might not be so genuine, probably has a much easier time as being viewed as friendly by other folks.

p.s. Congrats on the new blog, Mario! First visit here. I’ll be back.